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I am a Christ-follower first and foremost. My life is a testament to his Love and Grace. 
I am a Musician, it is my lifeline to God in an empathetic world. It is the passion that drives my soul.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Second Thoughts

So tonight at church was worship night. We sang some and then we had some time in which i read a bunch of psalms. Before this I was feeling utterly lost and confused. Lemme tell ya, God is crazy, and always come through in some sort of way. The word going through my head most of the night was just "Why?" But by the end of the night, God just blew my mind.

This month i have been feeling kind of alone, wanting to have someone to hold. Mainly i have been thinking about girls a lot, trying to figure out why i don't have a girlfriend mainly. Letting my mind wander, which has been slowly eating away at me. Is it something about me? what can i change about myself? but tonight, God just ripped all of those thoughts out of my head. He will provide. I will have a girlfriend when God feels its the right time, and he will give me the perfect girl. Waiting, waiting on God, waiting on his perfect timing. waiting for just the right girl to come into my life. You would think that this kind of thought would kill you, but for me, it is awesome, I'm done worrying about it, cause God's got it all figure out, No need for me to worry about it.


Lately my emotions have been ruining me, i don't know whats going on.

I wake up feeling amazing, ready to start the day, ready to get out and take the world head on. Then the afternoon hits me, i feel exhausted, worn out from doing nothing but sleeping in class.
The evenings are usually busy doing things with church, so i feel more rejuvenated while i am there, but then i come home, and find myself longing for something more, longing for some, for someone to hold me in their arms. I lay in bed thinkin, my mind running at a million miles a minute, hoping against hope that something will change, something big will happen in my life, someone will show up in my life to fix this longing that i have.

I'm sick of this roller-coaster of emotions. My emotions have never gotten the better of me, usually its my lack of emotion that kills me, but this month, something happened, i don't know what, but something changed, and i don't like it. My life used to be full of Apathy, all i ever used to care about was loving God, but lately, something has changed, something has given me feelings, made me feel. feel like i am not good enough, made me feel like i need someone. someone special that i can give my love to, someone tangible that can hold me. Don't get me wrong, i still love God, and i strive to please him, and at the same time let him work through my life, but at the same time, i feel as if that is not enough.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Its been a while

Wow, its been a while since i blogged, my Bad.
I'm really not sure what this blog post is going to be about, whatever pops into my head first basically.
Well, i just got home from Ralston Valley's homecoming, which was pretty sweet, i went with an awesome girl (i'm not going to blog about this, but you can ask me if you want to know more)

OH! i just glanced across my desk only to see the "Mighty To Save" sheet music. Love that song. EVERYTIME i sing it or play it, God just blows my mind. which is amazing

This week i will be leading worship for Fusion, the middle school group at my church. I am extremely excited about this, but at the same time i am scared to death. I love music and i Love worship, but the thought of me leading scares the crap out of me....... "Why would anyone want to listen to me lead them in worship?" is the thought that goes through my mind every time. As of right now, I know that God wants me to pursue him through music, and that means taking big steps.

Thats the thing about Faith, it requires big steps. Steps that take you out of your comfort zone, off of your couch, and out of your house. My life has been almost completely void of "chance" as of late. I go through the days and weeks without much thought. Wake up, go to school, sleep through school, come home, repeat.
I HATE this. I want to take chances, i want to get out of this rut, i want to feel God in everything, i want to give God everything. I feel like my leading worship is the first step that i have to take in order to Dive fully into God's plan for me, whatever that may look like.

Well, this was a pretty successful post, considering i had nothing in mind when i first started typing. I need to do this more often, "Random Rants" is what i shall call it! More to come soon.......