Thursday, April 28, 2011

Back to Blogging.

I used to use blogging, as kind of a meditation tool. A place for my ramblings. I don't know why i stopped that, but due to some recent events, i have more time on my hands now, so i'm going to try to start rambling more.
This one i will start with: Regret. Regret is a funny thing, i have always thought i lived a life with no regrets, and i do... to a point. We all have regrets. No one can live a life in the real world without regrets. We just usually don't notice our regrets until long, long after the event. I have only recently found this to be true. I won't go into details, but i finally said sorry for something i did nearly 8 months ago. It took me 8 months to realize that i had done something wrong, and i had hurt someone i once cared about. I don't necessarily regret the action, but i deeply regret the long amount of time it took to apologize.

Another thing i have been dealing a lot with lately is music. I love music. It definitely is in the top 5 of things i Love the most in this world. Ever since i was a little kid, i have always loved music. Before i could play guitar, i remember singing to myself in times of joy, and in times of sorrow. Once i started to play guitar, this increased immensely. I have a notebook full of lyrics, and some "songs" that i have just scratched together over the years, and as i look over them, most of my, i guess you could call them songs, have the same theme. Heartache. I look back to a page that i remember intensely. I wrote this just around the time my grandtfather passed away.

As daylight dies, and the world crashes down.
I find myself searching for you.
Searching for the one you made for me.
The pain rolls in, The tears start to fall.
My heart is heavy, but i know it's all in the plan.

Sometimes i don't believe that i actually wrote that, but my handwriting definitely hasn't changed since i was like 5. My life has been hit with a lot of crap, but i am still searching. Searching for the plan that God laid out for me.

Another one, from not too long ago.

I sit here broken, a shell of the man I once was.
Every night, i say a prayer.
Hoping that you still care.
Hoping that you will hear, and come to take away my fear.

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