Silence

There's just something about silence that seems to make my heart and mind settle.

Once my heart and mind begin to settle, I can actually think over my life.

It seems like my life is moving too fast for my little brain to make sense of it. 

i rush through school these days, just to get out of that building. I don't seem to enjoy life when i'm in school. Most of the time i'm being forced to learn something that will probably not affect my life.

When i'm not in school, i'm usually at church, and that is when i truly enjoy life. My home life right now just seems like the limbo in between these two. 

Sitting outside my house, looking up at the stars, thinking about life.

I don't have a very good community group nowadays. I don't hang out with much of the same friends anymore, and i feel like i'm quickly growing apart from everything in my life. I can't wait to move out and away. My heart right now just wants to be in Fort Collins. I have seen, heard of, and experienced the community there, and i long for it. I know that i need to find the same community here, but i feel like i've been stuck in arvada for so long, that i can't get out of where i am right now unless something drastic happens. 

My future is in His hands.

I know that.

Right now i feel like i am living in Limbo. Finishing high school just so that i can begin the rest of my life. That's a pretty sucky feeling if you ask me.

Yet, i will praise God for all that he has blessed me with, even when I am feeling unsettled, uneasy, whatever you may call it.

Psalm 143:10

"Teach me to do Your will for You are my God; may Your good spirit lead me on level ground"

Pizza Hunt with a side of Jesus!

So tonight at fusion, we did a pizza scavenger hunt. Basically, the middle schoolers went out into the neighborhoods and gathered toppings for their pizza, which would then be cooked back at the church. My group was pretty fun, two guys and two girls. About 20 minutes into our "scavenger hunt" a man opens the door, and asks "i'm not a christian. before i give you pizza toppings i want you to tell me how i can be saved." My four kids then begin to tell him about the fact that Jesus became human to die on the cross to forgive us of our sins. They also said that going to church, following rules, and being good wont save you. Only knowing that Jesus Christ died to forgive you of your sins will truly save you. Only after accepting this truth, will your life begin to change.
So i'm standing back with a massive stupid grin on my face the whole time, because i know who this man is. Greg Stier, the mastermind behind Dare2Share http://www.dare2share.org/ Just asked my students to evangelize to him. SO AWESOME! 

That's really all i've got right now. God is great, and He always shows up in ways you weren't expecting

-BK

Oh life, you confuse me.

Silly life problems are just that. Silly.

By that, i mean, don't worry about the silly things in life!
Right now, this means that i need to stop worrying about what next year will look like.

The only thing I know right now is that i want to spend the rest of my life working with kids, and praising God. I have absolutely no clue what that looks like, how i will do that, where i will go to do that, BUT i do know: God's got it under control. He's got a plan, and there's no point in me worrying about it.

Why worry about next year, when i can rejoice in the day that the Lord has given me. 

The song "Devotion" by Hillsong United has been repeating over and over in my head. The chorus is

"When You stand, the tall trees and mountains bow
When you speak, the fiercest of oceans is still

And i've seen, sinners seek devotion

Lost become Chosen

And I fall to my knees"

God has calmed greater storms, so there is absolutely no point in me worrying about what i will do with my life. 

Late Nights

Oh how i love these late nights. Listening to soft music while editing Photos. I love these things.

Currently on my playlist is Shane & Shane. Great soft, acoustic worship.

Also, here's what i've been working on tonight. Enjoy!

-BK

Sounds

Tonight at band practice, i realized something. After playing guitar for so long, things sound different.
Here's the story. I got to church, got all my stuff setup, and i couldn't get a sound dialed in that actually pleased me. Everything was just sounds crappy to me. This has been a common issue for me and my current guitar setup, seeing as i'm running all amp models. So basically, i am playing guitar through a pedal that makes a "fake" sound, and then it goes into an amp that creates yet another "fake" sound. All of this makes me notice how crappy my guitar sounds. Anyway........ i'm super frustrated, but everyone else that was listening to the practice, said that it sounded good. Which makes me realize that i am super critical of the way my guitar playing sounds. Which means that i am now on an adventure to buy a new amp. Funziez....... more money that i need to find and spend.....

UnRest.Discontent. Ranting?

This summer has taken a toll on me. And it has changed me big time.
what i mean by this, is that i have such a huge feeling of discontent. Discontent with being in Arvada really. Life has gotten boring. I've spent most of this summer not at home. I've been out adventuring, being in the mountains, being with God. Going to Alaska, seeing God in so many new places. Whenever I come home, i feel bored. Arvada is all i've known for nearly 18 years now. I feel such a huge pull to get out. To adventure. To seek out what God has in store for me, rather than just sit and wait for it. I want to see new cultures, meet new people, see and hear what God has created in different places.

I am constantly hearing stories of people getting out of their comfort zone, out of their hometown, and connecting with God on insane levels. The more i hear stories like these i get an intense fear that my life will never be that. That i will fail and end up living an unexciting, mundane life. I want to get out. I need to get out. I am continually feeling God pull me away from what i've always known.

I hate that i have all these feelings right now, because there is absolutely nothing i can do about it. I still have a full year until i can get out of this discontent. I am looking forward to this year, because i know that God is going to do amazing things, but i can't shake this anxious feeling. this deep wanting of adventure. To experience the unknown.
By now i feel like i'm ranting, but no one actually reads this right? so i'll keep ranting. God confuses me sometimes. I can go from feeling so close to him, to so far from him, in a matter of hours. I am deeply in love with him, but whenever i am at "home" in arvada, He feels so distant to me. I used to think that the mountains were my only home, but after traveling to Alaska, i now realize that I feel most at home whenever i'm not at home. when i'm out and about, traveling, snowboarding, talking with random people in random places.
Short Story- I went to waterworld last week, and after i went down one of the massive white slides, two kids were chilling by the end. As i got out of the slide, they were smiling, and yelled "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!" I was a little confused, but i said thanks, and gave them both huge high-fives. their faces lit up at the high five. I don't know why this made my heart light up, but it did. I love kids, and kids like this make me smile. I love the fact that kids can think a simple water slide is so awesome. Kids make me laugh.

Also, i feel like God's timing is all wrong in my life lately. In my heart, i know that it's not, but i just feel like things are wrong. I don't really know how to elaborate on this one.

Well, here's the end of my ranting. If you actually read all of that, i'm sorry, but you probably just wasted all that time to read my thoughts.

Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my Wonderwall

Story of my life. I'm not good with words, and i'm even worse with timing. Past experiences have proven that time and time again. Maybe sometime soon i'll be able to overcome it. Sometime SOON i hope.......